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When year-old Manisha Agarwal name changed logged on to a dating app for the first time, she was paralysed with fear. Married for 15 years, she needed a distraction from her sexless and loveless marriage , but was scared she would be caught in the act. Here someone always knows you or one of your acquaintances. Unhappy with her unfulfilling married life, Agarwal desperately wanted to find someone she could connect with. She knew she could not risk having an affair with a friend, so she decided to look for potential partners on a dating app. For the latest news and more, follow HuffPost India on Twitter , Facebook , and subscribe to our newsletter. She was looking for casual sex, and knew nobody would swipe right for her if she only mentioned her name and age. Agarwal is just one of the many married women in India who use dating apps to find companionship.
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But what is interesting is the sheer number of users. Who knew so many unhappily married people overwhelmingly, men were actively looking for an affair on this site alone? What sort of men are they, and how do they feel about their deceit? Natasha Caruana, a photographic artist, has had a unique insight. Her project, The Married Man, which has just been released as a book, comprises photographs of 54 men she met on affair websites over the course of a year.
They are deliberately dark and grainy, which adds to the atmosphere of secrecy and deceit. The seediness of the encounters is reflected in the dirty beer glasses and grubby tabletops of pubs and cafes. All you glimpse of the men is a disembodied arm in a blue office shirt, the sleeve of a dark suit, or some questionable knitwear. There are many shots of hands devoid of wedding rings. But The Married Man project was sparked by her own experience.
She had been in a relationship with a man who was separated from his wife but still married, and was questioning how she felt about it. At the end of the piece was a list of sites where women could find married men looking for an affair. Caruana ended up going on 80 dates with 54 men. Most were in their 40s or 50s, and worked in business or finance.
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My parents and their families already knew each other before getting engaged – but a week after getting engaged, they ended up tying the knot. She is a Hindu and he is an atheist. Jen Garside. Loss of passion, arguments or worse will be worked on or shrugged off – partly because culturally, divorce is a taboo. And, much like Ankita, who eventually ditches the matchmaking process for her career, I have the luxury of not feeling too pressured about marriage – I have a ream of single girl friends who plan to live in a big house together, and most of the women I know are financially independent.
All in all, I just reckon Indian matchmakers have been doing for years what Hinge and Bumble are only learning to do now – sneakily learning what we like, judging the education level that might match ours, the level of conventional attractiveness we go for and so on. Pravina Rudra. It strikes at the real and awful issue of colourism in the Indian community.
100 Women: Overcoming the stigma of an Indian divorce
But even though we can’t go out to meet potential new love interests, that doesn’t mean things have to be put on hold. Of course, you can still use apps like Tinder , Bumble and Hinge to swipe through potential love interests, which has become even more popular as people now have more time on their hands to commit to it. In an attempt to keep things interesting under lockdown, dating apps are stepping up.
Right now, I’m 27, single, and have no idea if I’ll ever get married. But if a husband does I am very proud to be a British Indian woman. Nor is it that I am not.
Anyone who’s been doing the online dating thing for a while knows that there’s hookup culture and then there’s long-term relationship dating culture. Most online dating sites have a mix of both, and after living with online dating as an increasingly ubiquitous option for the past 20 years, the general public mostly sees dating sites as a super normal means to find casual dates or a hookup.
But what if you’re looking for a serious relationship or even something long-term? What if you just don’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day ever again? What if you’re over casual dating and just want someone consistent to come home to? What if you have no idea where to start? Keep reading. The long-term potential of online dating is still met with a cloud of doubt.
However, new evidence is proving that relationships that started online might have a stronger foundation than those that started offline. A study cited in the MIT Technology Review found that people who meet online are more likely to be compatible and have a higher chance of a healthy marriage if they decide to get hitched.
If marriage is your goal, you’ll be glad to know that another recent study found that heterosexual couples who met online were quicker to tie the knot than couples who met offline.